> ## Content Index
> Fetch the complete content index at: https://www.creativeconnector.art/llms.txt
> Use this file to discover other available public pages before exploring further.

# Struggle Dog
- URL: https://www.creativeconnector.art/struggle-dog/
- Published: 2023-12-04T15:55:06.000Z
- Updated: 2024-03-20T14:42:23.000Z
- Description: From The Disability Files
- Author: Creative Connector
- Tags: The Disability Files

For the last year, *The Disability Files* has existed as a monthly letter written by a guest artist from the Disability community, answering a question posed to them by a friend, colleague, or stranger. For this issue, we wanted to share a poem written by one of our members.

---

Dear reader,

I've finally settled on a poem for you. 

It's called "Struggle Dog," and I wrote it about a dog called Daisy Mae, who passed away this summer at the age of 14 (old, for a big mutt like her). 

Daisy is part of my COVID bubble. I took care of her a lot during the last months of her life, during a time when I needed a lot of care too. 

She teaches me that sometimes care is unpleasant (like her diarrhea weekend) and that, as my co-mentor Sean Lee says, disability is not isolated in the body. 

I think Daisy Mae would agree that disability exists in the complicated space in between our bodies, where things like what Mia Mingus calls "access intimacy" are made.

I hope that you like it.

Thank you,   
Birdie

---

Old brown dog   
my new therapist asked me   
if I love you so much 'cause   
sometimes, you wanna die too 

When I found you in the yard like that I   
wonder now if I knew you were hurting   
with only the calm clarity of someone   
who protests like that too 

Old brown dog   
I think my new therapist   
is worth the money,   
like how when I see you sometimes and   
there's new kinds of dog food on the counter.   
You're not eating again, but I know that   
buying you salmon and steak must be worth   
the money too 

My old roommate said:   
old dogs are closer to God.   
I think I believe my old roommate   
in the way that Kai Cheng Thom   
says all trans women are witches   
and unfortunately, Caitlyn Jenner too

Old brown dog   
my new therapist asked me:   
so what if old dogs are closer to God? I think now I would tell you   
old dogs lead us to death   
and all that can happen when it happens   
and when we hurt less, that's political too 

Old brown dog   
I know I don't know Leah   
Lakshmi Piepzna-Samarasinha   
either   
but I know that they say   
of dead trans girls   
that grief can be the garden.   
Oh, old brown dog   
do you see my protest?   
Do you know now I sleep   
with Care Work   
under my pillow too?